Standing Up to the Looking Glass Self

This is neither the first nor the last commentary on the detriments of social media and modern technology that you will read, and I certainly don’t intend to belabor the point. However, this topic has been weighing on my mind quite a bit recently, and I feel the need to process my thoughts in blog form, which I realize is primarily for my own benefit. Perhaps, though, you might find some resonance in this and/or some alternative perspectives to share. I welcome either!

You may have seen me or someone else post this video on Facebook or some other social network recently, but if not, check it out:

http://www.artthesystem.com/2013/12/after-i-saw-this-i-put-down-my-phone.html

This video isn’t necessarily novel in its portrayal of modern people’s dependence on technology and social media, and of course it overdramatizes it to make a point. But what really stands out to me about the video is that it shows how we live under the influence of a perpetual looking glass self. (Here, for those who are unfamiliar with the concept of looking glass self or don’t remember it from PSYC 101, I offer a handy Wikipedia link. I got your back.) The images in the video of the man recording his Happy Birthday song, the other man filming his engagement kiss, and the women capturing their champagne toast are images I see regularly in my everyday life. I’m not saying that recording special moments in life via video, photo, or some other method of memorable media is a bad thing altogether. We all like to have visual artifacts of our lives that we can share with others and our future selves. However, the pervasiveness of social media has made us go overboard with this. I, myself, am guilty of having the recurring thought, “I should take a picture of this so I can share it later on Facebook,” or, “I don’t have as many pictures of myself having fun or looking artsy on Facebook as my friends do…maybe I’m not fun and artsy.” Instead of (or at least in combination with) enjoying our waking lives, we are focused on documenting them for the public eye. And let’s not lie, oftentimes it’s for the purpose of proving to others that we are happy, fulfilled, attractive, and adventurous. The looking glass self has been and will always be a part of our consciousness for as long as the human race exists, but I’m concerned that social networking has inflated this phenomenon to the point that we craft superficial images of ourselves. These superficial images damage our self-esteem and inhibit our active engagement with real life. 

So what is the solution? Stop using social media? Revolt against modern technology and all that it’s capable of and start wearing corsets, riding in buggies, and penning hand-scribed letters on parchment by candlelight, like these weirdos in Port Townsend? Uh, no. That’s not the solution I have in mind. In fact, I don’t have any solution in mind. I think the pervasive looking glass self is an unfortunate byproduct of social networking that isn’t going to go away unless we do away with social media. But social media offers a lot of benefits to our lives, like keeping in touch with friends, family, and acquaintances, feeling like part of a community, sharing information, and expressing ourselves. There have been many times when I’ve felt so fed up with Facebook and all its petty micro-aggressions and shameless self-promotion that I’ve thought, “That’s it! I’m deleting it! Goodbye, Facebook world, find me in real life!” But I always take a deep breath and realize that I gain enough from being part of this social outlet that it’s worth dealing with some of the crap it brings. 

Nevertheless, just because social networking tempts us to become more shallow and self-loathing individuals, that doesn’t mean we have to give in. We can be more mindful of when we’re letting our self-image crack because other peoples’ appear more appealing and recognize that they probably feel the same way. We can choose not to film, photograph, or text about every life event and social gathering and realize that some moments in life are meant to be experienced, not recorded. We can enjoy a face-to-face conversation with folks at least as often as digital ones. We can acknowledge that some status updates are interesting, while others are just unnecessary (our expansive social network doesn’t need to know that we went to the grocery store today, fed our cat, and ate a really good meal for dinner…they just don’t). And bottom line, we can understand that the meaning in our lives doesn’t derive solely from the regard of others, just as it doesn’t derive solely from our own internal experience. We can do all of this—or at least strive to—while still taking advantage of the utility and gratification of technology and social media. With these efforts, technology and social media have the potential to unite us, rather than isolate us.