Monday, December 8, 2014

Thoughts on a Great Day at Work

Today I met with a student who seemed surly from the get-go. She spoke in a moody, attitude-y tone of voice, showing little interest in my enthusiastic attempts to help her plan classes, understand her Math and English placement, and break down her degree requirements. This student is currently taking non-credit Adult Basic Education classes and, after completing the COMPASS test, has placed into credit-bearing developmental Math and English. Although certainly an improvement, she seemed nothing short of discouraged and annoyed by the fact that she was not yet placing at college-level. I did my best to hang in there with her throughout the appointment, clarifying college processes and helping her navigate her options more thoroughly than usual. Nevertheless, I thought she was going to leave my office in apathy, with no plans to follow through on my recommendations, never to be seen again.

When the appointment was somewhere near 85% complete, I looked at a buried portion of her transcript and noticed that she had actually taken a few college-level social science classes several years back at another community college. In most of them, she barely scraped by. But in one seemingly heavy History course, she earned a 3.0. This may not sound that impressive to most people, but in comparison to many of the students I advise, especially those who are coming from basic skills and developmental courses, it was superb. Before she left my office, she verbalized a somewhat dejected wish that the next quarter would go well, especially since she was taking another college-level social science course for the first time in years. I said simply, “Well, you rocked your History course, so you know you can do it.” To my surprise, a satisfied smirk inched across her face. If I could translate her expression into words, it would say, “Yeah, I really can do this.” I got the sense that it had been some time since someone reinforced her ability and potential—not just on their terms, as in, “I know you can do it!”—but on her terms. She then requested to schedule a follow-up appointment with me, which escalated my surprise to pure delight.

After this student left, I realized that she was in one of the classes I had visited recently to talk about transitioning from Adult Basic Education into college. I recalled seeing her sitting in the far corner of the room, not participating or asking questions throughout most of my interactive presentation, and bearing the same sullen look I had seen her enter my office with. At the time, I had thought she was ill-mannered and, if I’m being honest, the type of student I was dreading to encounter in my outreach. Similar to how she warmed up at the last moment during our one-on-one appointment, I remembered she had offered up an astute response to a question that stumped all the other students toward the end of my presentation. Thus far, she is the only student from the class who has come to meet with me.

This is the kind of experience that makes me love my job. It is completely fulfilling to see students in positive transformation, even as subtle as this. For a young woman to enter our interaction exhibiting palpable skepticism, disillusionment, and listlessness and then leave with noticeable hope, confidence, and initiative is, to me, just awesome. To have any part in these small, and hopefully ongoing, transformations certainly gratifies my own need to feel purposeful and helpful. But more than that, it educates and humbles me to realize that my initial judgments of students can be entirely off-base. That individuals who have likely faced repeated barriers and disappointments in their lives are still willing to keep trying. They maintain a belief in their own capacity to succeed; they are simply waiting for others to do the same and to empower them to realize it.                                                                                                                                                            

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

20 Things I Really Wish I Had Learned by Now

  1. How to sew a button back on. Or, really, any seamstressing at all.

  2. The whole alpha-mnemonic system for spelling out words or names over the phone.  “Uh…P as in…Pierce. I as in…I got nothin’. E as in…uh…can there just be a Z in this name so I can say, Z as in zebra? No one ever taught me this.”
  3. How to speed read. After graduating from a college preparatory high school, earning a double-major Bachelor’s degree in two reading- and writing-heavy disciplines, and pulling my way through a Master’s degree, I have somehow still not mastered this art. Every time I try to speed read, my brain is like, “Wait, this looks interesting! Better read more thoroughly. No, you can’t, you’ll be here all night! But…I really hate just doing the bare minimum, I want to comprehensively understand this. God, I’m such an overachiever. Why can’t I just focus on some cogent paragraphs like everyone else and call it a day? That’s not really me, though…”

  4. Whether it’s ok to use the handicap stall if there is no handicapped person in the restroom. I always thought, first-come, first-served, but according to some people this makes me a monster.
  5. What to say to someone when their loved one dies. Everything I’ve tried always sounds so hollow and generic. Not sure anyone has figured this one out...
  6.  How to cope with the serious conundrum of wanting to eat meat and dairy but being intensely disturbed by the thought of animals being killed and mistreated. Why can’t my BBQ just be made from excessive cuddling of free-range pigs?

  7.  How to eat just one serving size of Ben & Jerry’s. “Well, I would measure out half a cup in this little bowl, but I’d rather dig craters in the carton trying to find all the Heath bar chunks and then just give up and siphon the whole thing.”

  8. How to cook without a recipe. Everyone says it’s just a matter of having the confidence to experiment. I’m sure that’s true, but the thing is I’m lazy.
  9.  Why religion is so important to people. And I’m not being a snide agnostic on this one, I just have honestly never understood.
  10. Why sports are so important to people. And I’m not being a brooding buzzkill on this one, I just have honestly never understood. (When I see people fanatically react to game plays, wins and losses, and team rivalry, I look on with a mixture of sociological fascination and angsty disgust.)

  11. Why modern, abstract art is considered art. I’m sorry, but if I could have created it in kindergarten, it’s not art.

  12. How the heck to use The Cloud. I’m a so-called millennial, but this continues to mystify me. (Side note: Whenever I get confused by basic technology, Sol gushes in placating admiration of how “cute” my hopeless ignorance is.)
  13. Whether my high school boyfriend dumped me because I ignored him or because I got braces. I mean, it’s safe to say I’ve moved on, but inquiring minds want to know…

  14. Whether my middle school social studies teacher ever got arrested for a sex crime. ‘Cuz yeah, that dude was CREEPY.
  15. How to fire up a charcoal grill or start a campfire. I know it’s probably very anti-feminist of me to say, but thank goodness there’s always been eager men around to take care of that.

  16. How to do hair. Chalk it up to the fact that my sister, my mom, and I all had matching butch haircuts for the first 13 years of my life. But yeah, never really figured that out.

  17. How to sleep on an airplane. Between the constant intercom babble, the armrest hogger next to me, the travel anxiety, the stale recycled air, the baby crying in row 14, the pressure- and motion-induced headache, and the anticipation of my tomato juice shot and sugar packet-sized bag of pretzels, I’m not sure, something just doesn’t do it for me.
  18. How to do a pull-up. I missed my opportunity back in middle school with the national physical fitness testing, but for the sake of my ego, it’d be nice to do it one day. But something tells me I’ll always be one of the flexed arm hang kids. L

  19. How to parallel park on the left side of the street. Oh man, that stresses me out.
  20. Whether or not to make eye contact with a stranger passing by on the sidewalk. And then, whether or not to smile. And then, whether or not to venture into a brief, “Hi.” That 15-second stretch gives me way more anxiety than it should.


Thursday, September 11, 2014

The Disillusionment of Dual Enrollment Programs



While I was in my grad program, I remember writing a paper about the downsides of dual enrollment programs like Running Start (RS), which allow high school students to take college courses and get both college and high school credit for them simultaneously. At the time, I worked in the academic advising department at a local community college, so I had a lot of interaction with RS students who were taking courses there. Well, my perspective on this matter has really only been reinforced by my encounters with RS students on the other side as an admissions counselor at a university. I see the obvious benefits to these programs. They help high-achieving students pursue a more rigorous curriculum and prepare for college-level coursework. They (presumably) save students money in the long-run by allowing them to take up to two years of college credit at a low cost, while also saving them time on finishing their college degrees. They also get students into a collegiate environment and ostensibly help them mature socially and mentally at a younger age. These are all great things, in theory. But in practice, they are not always achieved, and there are also negative outcomes that accompany dual enrollment programs which are usually unforeseen by students, parents, and school counselors/teachers/administrators.
                These are the top issues I have seen with dual enrollment programs: 1) students’ grades often plummet when they start dual enrollment classes, jeopardizing their academic records and admissibility for universities 2) the rigor of college courses vary from school to school such that sometimes even dual enrollment students are ill-prepared for college-level coursework at universities 3) students are unable to get transfer credit for all or many of their dual enrollment courses for particular universities and programs 4) teenagers are thrust into an environment with students who are more socially mature and independent than they are and miss out on opportunities to engage with their peers, and 5) employers don’t want to hire 20-year-olds for professional jobs, even if they have a college degree. These are only a few of the problems with dual enrollment programs, but they are some of the most prevalent.
                As an admissions counselor, I’m frequently asked by prospective students and parents if they or their kid should take advanced and/or college-level courses in high school in order to be competitive for admission. My answer is always that we like to see students challenging themselves and demonstrating that they are academically prepared for the level of rigor they will encounter at our university, but it’s important that they find balance. I can’t count the number of times I have seen a high school transcript showing a steep downward grade trend immediately after the student started taking a full load of Advanced Placement (AP), International Baccalaureate (IB), or RS classes. Newsflash: Pulling C’s, D’s, and F’s in advanced or college-level courses is not impressive. This isn’t a “here’s a blue ribbon, you’re a winner for trying” kind of deal. You’re better off pulling A’s and B’s in regular high school courses, in my opinion, which at least shows that you met expectations, probably worked pretty hard, had a realistic view of your strengths and limitations, and grasped the content you were supposed to master. Of course, there is also a problem with grade inflation at many non-rigorous high schools, which is a separate issue altogether. However, I am always tied between pity and scorn for fairly average students (and/or the parents and counselors advising them) who think they can waltz into college-level courses and succeed with the same ease with which they’ve succeeded in regular high school courses. Oftentimes, when that doesn’t happen for them, their academic records are permanently tarnished, their competitiveness for university admission is diminished, and they feel cheated because all the while they thought they were enhancing their college readiness and plumping their resumes.
                What’s almost more unfortunate than the above scenario is when dual enrollment students who are fairly average performers actually excel in “college-level” courses. Why is this unfortunate? Because often these courses have been watered down to the point of being equivalent to regular high school courses. Not all colleges are created equal, and as such, not all offer the same level of rigor. Many students who did well in their dual enrollment courses actually struggle significantly when they enter universities—sometimes to the point of needing serious academic intervention or having to transfer or stop out. This short article in the Chronicle of Higher Education articulates pretty well and succinctly what I mean.
                Perhaps one of the most compelling arguments in favor of dual enrollment programs is the fact that they can save students and their families thousands of dollars on their college educations. In a time when you can’t turn on your TV or read a newspaper without hearing about the exorbitant cost of higher education, no one can blame folks for wanting to pursue a less expensive option, especially if they are financially pressed. What sucks is that many colleges and universities accepting dual enrollment students are actually not willing to grant the amount of transfer credit that students have completed, if any at all. This is especially true for private universities with unique general ed/core curricula and specialized programs that require students to complete certain coursework at that particular university. For example, Seattle University tries to grant as much transfer credit as possible to all students coming in with college credit—whether they are high school students or not. However, for our Nursing program, students applying for freshman admission are expected to complete all four years as a cohort at SU; therefore, none of their prior college coursework will transfer. Most students and parents are outraged when they hear this and, again, feel cheated because what has been sold to them by dual enrollment programs turns out not to be an entitlement. One might argue, well then, the universities need to be more flexible and grant more transfer credit for these students. That may be true in some cases, but in others, it’s just not feasible or even in the students’ best interest.
Recently, in order to better serve Running Start students, SU created the option for them to apply for transfer admission to Nursing if they had their Associate’s degree by the time they finished high school and had completed all Nursing pre-requisites. Some students pursued this option and may end up doing just fine. Others found that they were not competitive for admission when put up against older students who already had practical experience in healthcare settings. Or, even if admitted into the transfer cohort, they might find that they are taking all their major courses with non-traditional students who are older, wiser, and just plain different from them. I’m not arguing that students can’t benefit from being surrounded by other students who are different from them. On the contrary, I think this is essential. What I am saying, though, is that these young students are often robbed of the two years of their college experience that can have the strongest impact on their social development, engagement with their peers and campus life, and opportunity to feel academically and intellectually competent. Both high school and college are times in a person’s life that they can never relive and therefore should enjoy to the fullest. When high schoolers opt to immerse themselves in a college environment instead of their high school environment, it can be very enriching (especially if their high school environment is unsupportive, unchallenging, or otherwise unpleasant) or it can be a loss of a nurturing place where teenagers are allowed to be teenagers.  When teenagers start college at or near junior standing, it can be a great way to save time and money on a college degree (assuming that’s how it works out), or it can be a fast lane to real adulthood that these young people are honestly not ready for.
On that note, it’s worth mentioning that while students pursuing dual enrollment courses may think that universities and future employers will view them as high-achieving, self-motivated, and mature beyond their years, that’s simply not always the case. Age discrimination does exist, and many young students will face challenges as a result. For example, I have heard of these students missing out on clinical, internship, or student employment opportunities to older, more experienced students because more likely than not the employers question their maturity and capability to manage the responsibilities with the same level of proficiency as those even a couple years their senior. I have also heard faculty say that their younger students who finished their degrees early have had more trouble entering the workforce in their chosen fields, probably for the same reason. I’m not condoning age discrimination, nor am I agreeing with the assumption that a younger individual is less capable of doing a job they are qualified to do simply because of their youth. However, in some ways it feels like we are trying to expedite a process of development, discernment, and duty that shouldn’t be expedited. To a degree, you can’t really blame those who are offering opportunities to older, more experienced individuals. How would you feel if you were in the hospital being treated for a serious illness and you found out a teenager was taking your vitals? How would you feel if you had put in years of hard work at various jobs and at least 16 years of education to prepare for a career, and you lost a job opportunity to someone who isn't even legal drinking age? There are some young students who are truly exceptional and deserving of opportunities to advance their minds and accelerate their education and career. But it’s safe to say that not even a majority of students in dual enrollment programs are this kind of exceptional.
Despite my opinions, I know that dual enrollment programs aren’t going to fade away any time soon. They offer (or at least promise) enough benefits to students and their families to be a growing pathway in the world of higher education. And, I would argue that they actually are a good fit for some students; namely those who are highly motivated, hard-working, intellectually gifted, socially mature, underserved by their high schools, and intending to transfer to universities whose requirements align closely with the offerings at their partner colleges. I also think that, as long as dual enrollment programs persist, universities accepting these students should make reasonable efforts to accommodate them and treat them like regular transfer students. Another article in the Chronicle of Higher Education offers a solid explanation of why dual enrollment programs are good and how college personnel should effectively handle them. I just think that anyone considering participating in a dual enrollment program or encouraging a student to do so should first seriously consider the possible drawbacks. These programs do not serve all or even most students well, and sometimes taking advanced courses within the high school is a better alternative for a rigorous curriculum. Dual enrollment program advisors and administrators also have a duty to inform students and parents about these drawbacks, instead of promising them the world and leaving it up to admissions staff and university faculty to be the constant bearers of bad news. This leads not only to possible disillusionment for well-meaning students but also a stinky sense of entitlement that is earning them a bad reputation. I can just hear my colleagues now: “Oh great, we’ve got another Running Start student…”

Monday, June 16, 2014

7 Things to Love about Korea

Ever since Sol and I returned from our trip to Korea a few weeks ago, I've gotten a lot of questions from friends about what my favorite aspects of Korea are. I've also been doing a lot of ruminating on my experience there, along with the similarities and differences between Korean and American culture and people. For those reasons, I thought I'd share the top 7 things I loved about Korea:



1.       The people are incredibly hospitable and kind. Korea is much more family- and friendship-oriented than the U.S., in my observation. This is especially evident in the fact that friends who haven’t seen each other for years and may not actually have a lot in common anymore can still meet up and get along as if nothing had changed. Similarly, you are warmly accepted by someone’s friends and family simply by association. Just by being Sol’s girlfriend, I was immediately welcomed with open arms by his family and friends who had never met me. I regularly was told, “Welcome to the Lee family!” or “Because you are Sol’s girlfriend and he is my friend, you are my friend.” Although Americans do this to some degree, it seems there is often some pressure to impress. I think the level of community I experienced in Korea is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced in the U.S., and I’ve never felt that I had to try so little to be accepted. 

Me with Sol's long-time friends, Manja (left) and Soki (right)
2.       They’ve mastered the art of drinking communally. Like many other cultures, Koreans drink a lot. And I mean a lot. On any given day of the week, bars, pubs, and restaurants are open 24/7, and soju (kind of like vodka made from sweet potatoes, for the unfamiliar) and mekju (beer) are free-flowing. But more so than many other cultures, Koreans drink in a very communal way that makes the experience really enjoyable. Instead of everyone ordering their own drink, they order a whole bottle for the table to share (and then two, and three, and four…). It is their custom to always watch each others’ glasses to make sure they aren’t empty and promptly fill them when they are. You are not supposed to fill your own glass, as that is considered rude and greedy, but you are to be hyper-vigilant about filling someone else’s, and they will return the favor. Then, whenever someone’s glass gets filled, it is followed by a celebratory cheers (or as they say, “Jan!”) before anyone takes a sip. To an American, the number of cheers throughout the evening at first seems a little superfluous and somewhat exhausting, but after a while, it is really endearing. It’s like every drink means something! Also, instead of splitting up the check individually at the end of the evening, like Americans do, they usually play a game of rock-paper-scissors to identify the lucky person who gets to pay. Although the bill can sometimes be pretty exorbitant, this seems like a fair and easy way of doing things because it’s not always the same person each time, and you save yourselves and your servers the headache of calculating each person’s total. Lastly, Koreans always eat when they drink. Sometimes this can be a challenge, as it adds to the bill and potentially your already-full stomach. But it’s also a way to not get drunk too easily and enhance the enjoyment of drinking together. Rather than drinking being a means to an end, in Korea it is about the process itself—the end product is just a bonus.

Drinks in Itaewon district with Sol's college buddies
3.      You will never run out of places to shop. Korea has developed a pretty consumer-oriented culture, which isn’t always a great thing, but it means there are ample places to shop for any kind of item, apparel, or accessory you could possibly desire. Districts like Gangnam and Myeongdong offer the whole smorgasbord of commercial retailers, from H&M to Dior, in abundance. While in Myeongdong, I saw three Zara’s and two H&M’s within about a three-block radius. The subway terminals also frequently have their own underground malls with dozens of storefronts for sunglasses, shoes, cosmetics, clothing, and the like. There are also neighborhoods with more unique, local merchandise, such as Insadong and Bukchon. These are older parts of Seoul that have both traditional Korean street markets and modern small storefronts selling artsy gifts, jewelry, pottery, clothing, etc. (not to mention yummy street food!). You can generally get pretty good quality local merchandise for a better price than you would in the U.S. Also, Koreans are, on the whole, an extremely fashionable people who are highly attentive to their appearance. I have to say, I felt like a total frump amongst them, but I admire their creative expression and aesthetic awareness. 


Myeongdong District

4.       It’s really easy to get around without a car. Similar to some of the highly urban cities in the U.S. and Europe, Seoul’s public transportation system is extensive, making it much easier for the dense population to get around sans personal vehicle. The subway system is really convenient (except during rush hour, when people are literally packed like sardines), and taxis are pretty cheap and make up about 50% of vehicles on the roads. Being the rugged American I am, I do enjoy owning a car and being able to drive anywhere I want whenever I want, but I certainly wouldn’t want to drive on Seoul’s streets. It’s nice to be able to get from point A to point B without worrying about road raging from traffic and crazy drivers or worrying about gas prices. That’s something that most car-dependent Americans can’t do. 

Bukchon, one of Seoul's many walkable neighborhoods
5.       The food is a lot healthier. Whether you like Korean food or not, one thing you can’t deny is that it’s generally a lot healthier than most American/Western food. It is largely based on vegetables and seafood, and although most meals include an array of dishes, they are served in small portions to be shared by the whole table. Even “fast food” Korean restaurants generally have much heartier options than American fast food restaurants. Korean desserts are also much healthier, such as fresh fruit or a Korean version of ice cream called salbing, which is finely shaved ice with toppings like red beans, chocolate sauce, and crushed nuts or coffee beans. What was surprising to me and would probably be surprising to most Americans, however, is that Koreans seems to eat quite frequently. Rather than having three square meals a day, they often have multiple small meals throughout the day. (Part of the reason for this seems to be that Koreans never drink alcohol without eating…see #2.) Sometimes this can seem overwhelming to those unaccustomed to eating throughout the day, but it’s probably also better for one’s metabolism. 

One of the more decadent versions of salbing
6.       It’s a really old country with lots of cool remnants from its rich history. Unlike the U.S., Korea has been around for many centuries and therefore has a lot of valuable traits to show for it. For starters, there are still some really impressive buildings and sites that are several hundred years old with ornate traditional Korean/Chinese architecture, such as Gyeongbok Palace in Seoul and the Korean Hanok Village in Jeonju. These are things you just can’t see in a new country like the U.S. They also have a unified cultural identity because of all they’ve been through together, having defended themselves against multiple world superpowers, survived political collapses, and persevered through extreme poverty (well, at least South Korea). Perhaps this cultural identity is also strengthened by the fact that Korea is much more ethnically homogenous than the U.S., as most modern Koreans can trace their ancestry back multiple centuries in Korea; in other words, most Koreans are “native Koreans”. (I’m not advocating for ethnic purity or anything here, but it’s probably a factor in their sense of solidarity.) Then there’s also more everyday things that Koreans seem to have a better handle on, such as caring for the sick. Although it’s changing, Korea seems to still focus heavily on natural remedies for illnesses, and I can say from personal experience that they know just the right food to help a sick person feel better immediately! I could be wrong, but I think things like this are a product of many years of collective wisdom being passed down among generations.

Gyeongbok Palace in Seoul, roughly 600 years old
7.       Korean TV shows! I have never considered myself someone who is particularly ga-ga about romantic comedies and have always hated American soap operas. But for some reason, I just can’t get enough Korean TV dramas/romantic comedies. I think there are few characteristics about them that reel me in. First off, there are some really attractive men in these shows. That accounts for probably 50% of my interest. Second, while they are generally pretty cheesy in their plot lines and screenplays (some more so than others), I think the writers usually do a good job of building anticipation for the viewer. They draw out the romance soooo far before actually giving you the satisfaction of a kiss or, *gulp*, a love scene that you are literally waiting at the edge of your seat. Rather than being frustrating, it makes the character relationships that much more interesting and gratifying. The main characters are usually pretty charming, as well. They tend to start off as somewhat cardboard characters that are hard to relate to, but somehow they morph more and more with each episode into really complex people that you love. Plus, as an American, I find that Korean TV shows help me gather more knowledge about Korean language, culture, customs, and humor (as much as that is possible through mainstream entertainment). Korean humor is really similar to American humor in many ways, and in other ways it is sillier and more innocent, which I find refreshing. If you need recommendations for good Korean TV shows or have any for me, let me know!

Gong Yoo, one of my faves

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Memories of Casper

Here is the second blog post in a series of tributes to the places I've lived!

Casper



                When I was two years old, my family moved to Casper, Wyoming, where my dad was born and raised (for the most part), and where a number of my dad’s family members still lived. This is where my first and best (and probably also worst) childhood memories are rooted. Most people have scarcely even heard of Casper, let alone been there or desired to go there. Indeed, it is a small town, like most in Wyoming (although it is the second largest in the state), and if I visited it for the first time today with no other connection to it, I probably wouldn’t have much to write home about. Nevertheless, knowing it from the inside and from the perspective of a young child, I can say it is near and dear to my heart. I have too many memories of Casper to share in one blog post. The following are just a few of the best ones. 


 
 This is actually in Yellowstone, not Casper, but I just love the buffalo in Wyoming!

                I don’t know if it’s a matter of era, small-town culture, or some combination thereof, but I remember spending lots of time outside as a kid in Casper and knowing almost all of my neighbors. Frequently, random kids in my subdivision would just come up to my sister, Meghann, and me on the front lawn and start playing with us, as if we were old friends. The reverse of this happened often, as well, and it was not unusual for us to go door-to-door at houses where we had seen kids our age, asking for a playmate. Meghann and I had perfected the art of lawn gymnastics, believing our shaky cartwheels, messy round-offs, and clumsy somersaults rendered us as talented as Dominique Dawes and Kerri Strug. We had also perfected the art of living room ice skating, for that matter, and we excitedly practiced our routines whenever the Winter Olympics rolled around or we got into a “Christmas-y mood.” Although we both had tragic short haircuts that always got us mistaken for boys, I was the one that always got stuck being “the guy.” Given that I had neither the size nor the strength to fling Meghann into pseudo-triple salchows, I’m sure my parents got quite a kick out of this. Blame it on my haircut, constant comments that I had “such beautiful eyes for a boy,” or binary gender norms themselves, but I was DESPERATE to be feminine as a kid. I recall putting my 1990s turtlenecks on my head and letting the sleeves gracefully dangle in front of my shoulders so that I could pretend I had long hair. I remember secretly putting on my mom’s makeup (what girl didn’t?) and feeling shameful when she said she could still see remnants of her eyeliner on my lids. I remember memorizing the lyrics of “Part of Your World” from The Little Mermaid, and singing them with angst in the bathtub—she may have wanted to be a human, but I wanted so badly to be her! Despite the ridicule I constantly received for my appearance and tom-boyish attributes (by the way, did I mention I was the only girl on a “coed” soccer team? Yeah, that was fun.), I had a really great childhood, and Casper was a great little place to grow up. 
 
 Meghann and me on my fourth birthday. I usually enjoyed sharing the attention with her, and she gladly accepted it!

                Some of my best memories from Casper are from Casper Mountain, a small mountain basically nestled within the city, which takes only about ten minutes to get to by car from the center of town. We frequently went up to the mountain for summer picnics and day trips, and after my siblings and I moved away to Washington, we always begged our dad to take us up there when we stayed with him during the summer. We especially enjoyed buying a loaf of Wonder Bread at the grocery store and driving to Milo’s house. Milo was an old man who lived on the edge of Casper Mountain and was known for having hordes of white-tailed deer outside his house, as he routinely fed them himself. We would perch next to his garage at twilight (the best time to catch deer roaming and grazing before they settle in for the night), roll down the window, and call, “Here, deer-y, deer-y!” Bread was their favorite snack, but they ate just about anything we happened to have on hand: Neccos, cereal, saltine crackers, trail mix, candy cigarettes. Although they were basically just hogs who were using us for grub, I felt a special connection with the deer. Every time one let me touch its wet nose or velvety antlers, I felt it was sending me a personal message: “I love you! Forget boundaries between nature and humanity, I let you into my world!” Since then, Milo and passersby like ourselves have been cautioned to not feed the deer, as it interferes with their natural eating habits and self-sufficiency. For that reason and other much sadder ones, it’s not as easy to see deer wandering around Milo’s house anymore, but there are still many other reasons to visit Casper Mountain. My stepmom’s father built a family cabin towards the top of the mountain when she was a kid, located right next to the sprawling Bear Trap Meadow. It is a small and humble abode—no cable TV, no bedrooms, just a vaulted open living room with a kitchen, a bathroom, and a loft. My dad and stepmom have taken care of the cabin for a while now, and my siblings and I have had the pleasure of staying there during several summer vacations. I love that it is simple and isolated enough that all we have to do is enjoy our beautiful surroundings and each other’s good company. It’s especially fun to stay there during mid-summer, when the Bear Trap Summer Festival, a local bluegrass music festival, is happening in the meadow nearby. The festival is a lot of fun, complete with fattening BBQ and comfort food, cheap beer, great music from local musicians, and a carefree crowd who loves to get up and dance. Yes, it is a little bit white trash, but it is the best kind of white trash. The people-watching is one of my favorite parts of the festival! To this day, when I think of summer, I think of Casper Mountain. The smell of a campfire or the glimpse of wildflowers always takes me back there and fills me with pure contentment. I’m sure it always will.

 We ran into a pretty big herd of deer up on Casper Mountain last Christmas.

 
 Dad and me at Bear Trap Summer Festival in July 2008
 
                In fact, many of my best memories of Casper are set in the summertime—probably because after the six years we lived there, most of my return trips were during the summer. Another place that I unequivocally equate with summer and happiness is Alcova Lake. Alcova Lake is situated about an hour southwest of Casper, and my grandparents always had a lakeside trailer there when I was growing up. This is a summer hot spot—literally and figuratively—for many Casper residents because it’s a great place to go swimming, fishing, and boating, and they also host a pretty cool firework show off the lake on the 4th of July. Many folks own a trailer near the lake, while others drive in with their RV’s or just stay or camp out for the weekend. My siblings and I spent many days and nights at my grandparents’ trailer as kids, and we were never bored. We fashioned the trees and thorn bushes next to the trailer into a makeshift fort, where we spent literally hours per day in our own little world of domestic bliss. My grandpa cut some plywood for us to nestle into the branches as a table, and my grandma gave us some old plastic dishes to use in the “kitchen.” After realizing the fort was a great way to get us out of their hair for long chunks of time, my grandparents gradually helped us add more and more trinkets to our fort. We were thrilled when my grandpa crafted us a coffee table out of the cheap wood he stored under the deck and when my grandma let us steal her plastic grocery bags to use as flags alerting would-be trespassers. Of course, this wasn’t the only activity we indulged in during our stays at Alcova Lake. One of our favorite rituals was walking to the marina to get Flinstones Push-Ups and pointing out all the wild lizards and rabbits we spotted on the way. I was one of those weird kids that liked collecting rocks, so I would carefully uncover the best pieces of quartz and obsidian I could find in people’s yards. (People really didn’t have “yards,” but rather rock beds, since the climate there is too hot and dry to feasibly maintain a lawn.) I would take them home and put them in Ziploc bags full of water, marveling at their sheen. At least once a week, we would hit the lake on my grandpa’s pontoon boat to go fishing. The lake is filled with various kinds of freshwater fish, but mostly rainbow trout. Some days, we would find just the right spot, or as my grandpa said, “hold our mouths right,” to catch our limit for the day in a matter of a couple hours. Other days were less lucky, but the thrill of the potential catch and time spent bonding with my grandpa, my dad, my uncle, my aunt, and whoever else joined us, was well worth it. I was never much for eating the trout, and watching my dad and grandpa gut them and throw their innards into the lake for the sea gulls to gobble up was one of the most disgusting sights of my life. Nevertheless, I had a strange obsession with poking the fishes’ eyeballs. That’s right, dead or alive, I loved to dab my little finger on those poor souls’ jelly eyeballs and watch them jiggle—to the amusement of my entire family. The memories I have from Alcova Lake are really endless, and it will always remain a cherished place in my life. Before my grandpa passed away at 66 from lung cancer, he requested to have his ashes spread out across Alcova Lake, especially in his favorite fishing spots. My dad and his siblings did just that, and whenever we go back to those spots, we think of my grandpa sucking in his cheeks and telling us we’ll catch lots of fish if we just “hold our mouths right.” 

My grandpa's memorial bench, which overlooks Alcova Lake

View of Alcova Lake from my grandpa's bench